There was the ever-present football player rapist.

Decisions, decisions.

I have two shows to choose between for tonight's plans: Lords of the Highway in Youngstown or Kill the Hippies at the Beachland. Each have their own set of pros and cons. My original plan was to hit the Kill the Hippies CD release after Psychocharger (but there are rumors in the mix about that convention...hmmm) in order to support Uncle Ben who is putting it on...but then I would have to suffer through the uncomfortable aspects of the evening since my ex-husband and most likely some of his friends will be there. Eventhough he murdered out marriage, I'll some how be looked at like the bad guy...or at least like I have leproscy.

But I really can't avoid places I want to go just because this situation stinks like last week's trash. So I should probably just suck it up and go. He's not going to talk to me so hopeuflly we can just maintain distance (wow, this person was my HUSBAND and here I am, planning to avoid them...amazing). I know that sucks for people who want to talk to both of us but they'll just have to suck it up. This is way harder for us than for anyone else...and it's way harder for me than him. But will I just be setting myself up to feel crummy and hurt and low and lousy? I'm not sure I can handle that with the way things have been going recently...my emotions may win out and I may start smashing heads with my own bare hands.

So that's my situation and my day will no doubt be ruined as I pull my hair out deciding what I want to do. I don't want to cry. I don't want to get in a fight. I don't want to get drunk and blather. I don't want to be treated like shit when I don't deserve it. But I don't want to take the easy way out...I can't avoid drama. I don't want to back down. I want to be with my friends. I want to support Ben. I want to see Kill the Hippies. I want to hang with Switchblade. It should be a clear choice really...but it's killing me.