I won't apologize for acting out of line.

Before I start blathering about how I'm going berzerk after my first day of spring semester last night, let me just spew a few things in your grill. Carol's party was fun while I was physically and mentally in attendance. I spent so much time prepping that I didn't schedule a whole lot of sleeping or eating. Filling up my emptiness with alcohol was not wise. I retired early (by my own choice...I knew I was too drunk, I knew tossing was in my future, and I quit before I got stupid) and spilled my guts, literally. But I didn't miss the best part of th ebirthday celebration which was recuperation Sunday! I spent the day with close pals...we snacked, watched movies, napped, dished. It was great. It was what I needed. I could have done without the black eye and bubble guts but still. Balls out. If you know, you know.

Now the nightmare begins!

Spring semester started yesterday. I was jazzed and prepared. I was/am determined to kick-ass left and right, even if I am taking 6 classes. And I was totally into my Patient Care Skills class. It's the first time I've been in such an intimate setting...only 10 students. We learned hand washing techniques which was actually quite nasty. Glow-in-the dark germs...that's all I'm saying. No, wait. I need to add CREEPY! Still feeling good about things until we all start chatting with the instructor and I learn the following things (things responsible for my impending freakout):

1. The Physical Concepts class is going to be a nightmare and I have that class tonight. The failure rate is high and it's a pre-req. I was planning to kick-ass but now I have to REALLY kick it and risk some bangs and bruises. I'm scared. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.

2. The program is full for 2008. They only take as many people as they have clinical spots for. I can't wait until 2009. I can't put my life on hold for that long. I'll feel defeated. I'll lose momentum. Sadly, I'm counting on people to fail the Physics so spots open up. I'm trying to stay optimistic.

3. 1 out of 5 Sonographers will sustain a career-ending injury. Ugh. Why am I doing this? Am I setting myself up to be damaged? 1 out of 5? That ratio means that 2 people in my Patient Care Skills class with sustain a career-ending injury. And I'm already clutzy! I'm doomed! Dooooooomed!

4. We were told that once we enter the program, we might as well plan on NOT having a life. Any free time should be spent studying, reviewing, learning. There's so much to take in and if you want to pass the registry test, you have to know it all. I don't want to be a person that has to take the exam twice. I want those letters after my name! The FIRST time I take the exam. So how do I balance all this learning/studying I have to do with working, Pussyfooting, relationshipping, and basic chillaxing?!?!? I can multi-task but DAMN!

So there you have it. It's barely half way through January and I'm trying to find a way to live up to 4 or 5 of my New Year's resolutions! I know this is a temporary freakout but I'm feeling rundown. I can't go into a really important semester feeling off-center and weak. I need to shape up despite the terror that has been instilled regarding Physics. I just need to buck up.

I hope I don't cry at school tonight!