I just might stop to check you out.

The last few days have been rough. I've been feeling rough. I've been treated rough. It's hard to feel physically bad and then have poor emotions heaped on top of it. I guess the bottom line, and this is a sorry bottom line, is that you really can't trust anyone but yourself. You can't expect anyone to give you comfort or take care of you when you're in need because when they don't live up to your expectations, you're sunk. Still, I don't think I should have been passed up when I REALLY needed someone just so they could go out and get wasted like an idiot. Especially the day before moving day.

Which was a success. It's like she's been living here for years.

We had an impromptu par-tay which was sort of...odd. Lots of rap music and bumping-n-grinding. My fella was there, 3 dudes we work with, The Shoes, my new roomie, her honey, a new friend, and my oldest friend. It was noisey. It was smokey. And it was a little dirty, to be honest. I got lots of drunken affection (I did feed my man, after all) which I needed. I didn't even care that it was the drunken variety. I smelled good. I looked cute. Hugs, kisses, fondling. It was a good time. I was upset before it all began because of the past few rotten days I had, but I declared that all I wanted to do was have fun and that's what I did. Even when Bill crossed his limit and went from "fun drunk" to "I-don't-care-about-anything drunk", I still let things flow. We went to bed and had a good drafting session.

I never feel like a fight or odd period between us has been resolved until I'm back in the bed and drafting. Sure, it was my bed for the first time in MONTHS (that's my choice though...I prefer his bed and his home...I think my life is too cluttered for him) but we were like snakes all night. There was an entertaining moment where Bill couldn't find the bathroom because he thought we were at HIS house and walked into Jen and Tom's room eventhougth the bathroom door was open and light was ON as I anticipated late night drunk behavior. And he also couldn't go to sleep until I played "Blister In the Sun" for him. He was freaking over it!

So though I'm still carrying around this tiny bit of weirdness in my chest over situations that have developed this week...things are repairing. We will be eating pizza and watching the race today (and I have to paint a Jimmie Johnson 48 on a garage door...I've been promising forever). I like when he makes plans for "we".

I've been slacking this July but I plan to kick it into gear,