Don't think that it bothers me at all.

Happy Birthday, Lisa Marie! You don't look a day over 16!

Speaking of age...I am so old. I feel like my entire days are consumed by work or preparing for work or recovering from work. I am literally awake but not working for like 3 hours out of the day before I think it's bed time. The fact that it's after 10:00 and I'm still sitting here typing really upsets me and I'm starting to feel nervous. I should have been in bed like an hour ago.

In all actuality, an hour ago I should have been driving to the Beachland to celebrate Lisa's 29th birthday at the This Moment in Black History show. I'm sure Johnny will probably be mad at me for not being there or something. We're practically strangers now which is disappointing. But I just can't hack week day shows or outtings anymore. Even if I forced myself to go because I wanted to be with Lisa on her special day...or with anyone on any occasion..., I would have been a mess...chekcing my watch, yawning, not enjoying very much, not being very chatty.

I need to take Bean's road and just NOT make week day plans until the day OF so that I don't put myself in the position to break plans. I feel run down and exhausted after work most days and hate letting people down when I can't be present or entertaining. Say I'm not a rocker. I don't care.

I'm just plain...old.

So old that I get excited when my parents come over to take measurements for certain home improvements and start discussing lawn mower prospects with me. Fuck, I DID hug the flipping washing machine when I moved in, for crying out loud.

Now on the weekends, I rule the school inside and out, and you can't tell me other wise. I make up for what I lack during the week ten fold and then some when the working week is done.

From 5:00p on today, I felt like I was going to have a nervous fucking breakdown with tears and all. I didn't even really talk to anyone about it because I'm pretty sure certain people who used to care couldn't care less. I think my parents are worried that I'm pregnant. I'm worried about...lots.

I need a high five from someone special who hates to give them.