So I stayed in the darkness with you.

01 - A picture of yourself (with 15 facts about you...but you know enough about me).

02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.

03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

04 - A picture of your night.

05 - A picture of something you miss.

06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.

07 - A picture of your most treasured item.

08 - A picture that makes you laugh.

09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

10 - A picture of the person you do the craziest things with.

11 - A picture of something you hate.

12 - A picture of something you love.

13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.

14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.

16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.

17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.

19 - A picture and a letter - um...I don't get this...so...no picture.

20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel. *Guam*

21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.

22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.

23 - A picture of your favorite book.

24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.

25 - A picture of your day.

26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.

27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.

28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.

29 - A picture that can always make you smile.

30 - A picture of someone you miss.

Welcome to your life. There's no turning back.

Let's add Miley Cyrus and Kesha to the list of people I want to punch. Thanks.

Now on a less violent note...HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, Y'ALL!

I like Valentine's Day. I'm not one of those people who drones on and on about how stupid it is and how they can't wait for it to be over. I like the pink and red and the cookies and flowers and silly cards and bad stuffed animals. Even when I haven't been in a relationship, I've liked the concept and always had a friend as a Valentine. Sure, you don't (and shouldn't) NEED a day to tell the people you care about how you feel. but it's still nice to hear. And nice is nice.

I slaved away on my day off making Todd cookies and brownies and got him a card letting him know that if we were in prison, I'd totally shiv someone on his behalf, which is true. It felt good just to go the extra mile to let him know I think he's aces. He took me to see an impromptu movie (we NEVER see comedies in the theater so it was a TREAT) and we watched Futurama in bed afterwards. It was just what Valentine's Day (even if we celebrated a day early) should be. Lowkey yet awesome. Lots of hand holding.

So Happy Valentine's Day, y'all. If I happen to hate you, you get a free pass today. Take advantage of it. This kind of generosity only comes once a year. If I happen to LURVE you, then I hope you have a down right great day. And to my other Valentine, Lady Gaga, I really can not wait to go home and watch your nasty self hatch out of an egg. I love you more and more every day!



When I, you, and everyone we knew could believe, do, and share in what was true.

Last night I was in a GIANT bed in a swanky New York hotel room with Nathan Lane and the hybrid drag queen, Acid Betty (as seen on Project Runway season 5).  We were having  serious "girl talk". At some point, I also peed on a radiator that was in one of those department store revolving doors and I was only wearing a robe and diamonds.

I'm blaming all of my weird dreams on pregnancy.

You're there sucking on a lollipop like you haven't aged a day!

As of yesterday, I am 32 and I feel pretty good about it.

I am a big fan of my birthday. Always have been. This year, my birthday has been kind of low-key. Probably the first year in a decade that the celebration won't involve jello shots and live bands, and that's alright. There's still been plenty of worth-while recognition of the big 3-2.

Tessa took me to Olive Garden Friday night where we gabbed and stuffed.

My family birthday party was Saturday but it was kind of mucked up due to snow and one of my sisters and her family had to miss out. Bummer. I got a super cool baby book that is all about birthdays which I'm psyched about and a stuffed Lowly Worm! I was told it's for the monster but we'll see about that. My parents gave me  a super soft baby blanket and The Complete Idiot's Guide to Teaching a Baby Sign Language - I collect Idiot's Guides AND I took American Sign Language In College. And I pocketed some cash...

...which I spent every last dime of the next morning! I got a Finn t-shirt, new royal blue (or maybe aqua) Converse, Top Chef DC, socks, drawers, and a few roomier t-shirts and old man cardigans for my expanding guts! SCORE!

Yesterday, on my actual birthday, I woke up to cinnamon rolls and a card from my husband and stepson. It was sweet but I felt off all day. People wished me Happy Birthday at work and I got a gazillion Facebook messages (nothing means anything if it's not on Facebook) but it just felt like...Monday. I guess I had the birthday blues. I came home to an empty house and put myself to bed with a headache.

I awoke to the Jaws theme as a GIANT stuffed shark was swimming towards me. It was a Pillow Pet! Yep, I'm a 32 year old pregnant woman who got a pillow pet for my birthday.  Todd said since (due to his new work schedule) he'll be coming to bed after I'm asleep, I needed a substitute snuggler. Enter shark Pillow Pet. I bet he didn't bank on me snuggling it all night and totally ignoring him. I couldn't help it. So sofffffffft. So comforting. My husband loves me.

He also got me DC Villian skate shoes which I LOVE! Bright blue is my new thang.

Tonight, we're going to my favorite restaurant,  Benihana, to rock the chopsticks with Tom, Carol and Ben, which I am SO looking forward to. For some reason, I bawled the entire way to work...no more Florence and the Machine until this baby is born! The remedy for musically induced sobs is good food with good friends. It's a mighty fine was to wrap up a lowkey birthday, if I do say so myself.

Off topic but NOT off topic...R.I.P. Tura Satana. Sorry, but you're just another cool person to fall victim to the wrath of my birthday. Horrible things tend to happen mere days before February 7th rolls around...Big Bopper, Richie Valens & Buddy Holly's plane crashes, The Beatles release "Hey Jude", Patty Hearst was kidnapped, Sid Viscious OD'd, Falco got hit by a bus (we'll never hear "Rock Me, Amedeus" again), Lux Interior croaked, and now, Tura has met her demise. It's a curse.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

All this time, how could you not know, baby?

It's February. The month of LOVE. So I'm going to rant about some things that I hate because I LOVE to do that. But before I go getting all nutso about things that really don't matter in the long run, I want to say this...which goes along with February's feeling of love in a more loving way:

THIS HAS BEEN EDITED. JUST  THE BASICS.

3 of my nephew's friends were in a horrific car crash on Monday night and things are not looking good for the two young passengers. You may have seem it on the news. Despite the circumstances and despite people's nasty opinions, I hope they all make it. 15 is too young to die from head injuries cause by a car crash that didn't need to happen. They haven't even lived yet.

NOW...it's time for ME to be negative!!!

Kat Von D, I hate you and your ugly face. I hate the way you talk, the things you say, the way you dress. I admit, you've got INSANE talent. But I also think you're insane. And the more I read about you, the more I'm embarrassed that I ever watched your show. Blech.

And this is going to sound super juvenile and ridiculous and like something that shouldn't even be commented on. But I recently saw the pictures from W Magazine that Kim Kardashian is going all bananas about...and yeah, Kim Kardashian's ass is DISGUSTING. I never thought twice about it when it was clothed because, hey, I have a big ass and I like it. I like curves. I don't want to look like a little boy. But her naked ass? REPULSIVE. I actually covered my eyes and had to look through my fingers. Blech.

I hate radio country. A LOT. Especially "Red Neck Woman" type stuff. Blech.

I guess that's all I've got. Needed to spew a little hate so you didn't think I was getting wishy washy on you! And OH, incase you don't read 1313 Mockingbird Lane, welcome to the world Vincent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will have my cake and I will eat it, too. Just like you.

1 week until my birthday. My favorite day of the year!

Now I know all Hell has broken loose in my life because I'm eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I hate peanut butter. It's my number one hated food tied with pineapples. But since I haven't gained any weight yet, I figure I better give baby what it wants. And apparently it wants peanut butter. Disgusting.

Hey! We stayed out until 12:15 Saturday night! We. Are. ANIMALS!

Saturday was Carol and Chanda's birthday shindig at the Yorktown Lanes bar. It was incredible, and not just because we kicked the night off with steaks accompanied by the lovely Miss Tessa. At the alley, I got to see so many friends that I haven't seen in MONTHS, even if it was briefly. I found myself a chair by John Jackson and settled in. Lots of people are pumped about the baby and we even got an amazing piece of artwork from Phoebe that says "M is for Mother, F is for Father". It was unexpected and super rad.

It was fun to see bands again, too. I felt in my element. The last  time I went to see bands at Yorktown Lanes, I got pregnant! This night was much more lowkey. And you heard it hear first...unless you heard it all over Facebook...Lady Leadfoot was AMAZING. I love Carol and her one-woman band but she was BORN to play saxophone in a funk band. My mind was blown and I was so proud.

And I never realize how much I miss people until we're together again.

But yeah, around 12:15, the monster retaliated by making me the gassiest human being on the planet and I officially LOOKED pregnant. I not only looked pregnant, I looked HUGE. I was a hot air balloon and couldn't get any relief. It took a looooooong time to fall asleep but it was worth it. I had a great time. I felt like myself.

The rest of the weekend? Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Literally.

So life is good and very lowkey right now. Actuallym life is SUPER good because Vincent is going to be born TODAY if he hasn't been born already. Waiting for an update. He's a week late so everyone, mostly his parents, are on pins and needles. Hopefully they got to stick to their birth plan and everything is going A-OK. I can't wait to hear that he's officially appeared on the scene.

You just want to wash me to the drain...but you can't make me go away.

700 POSTIES!!!

In the tradition of landmark posts a la 500, 600, I am going to present you with some fun facts in a fun way rather than just blather at your eyeballs per usual. First, I'm going to copycat some thingamabob (I refuse to call it a 'meme') that Bizzle is currently doing. And secondly, I'm going to jump on board the whatchamacallit that Donny is currently entertaining himself with. I like those kids so what's good enough for filling their time is good enough for filling mine.

Happy 700 Posts, Cleveland "A". You're just delicious.

PART 1: Stolen from Phee-Bizzle.

One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

-I wish I had even a fraction of your guts. Whenever you tell me you're nervous about something, it shocks the Hell out of me. In my mind, you are totally fearless, which I think is totally awesome.

-Becoming a mother is the best thing that ever happened to you. I've always been crazy about you as a person but when I look at you now, you're just so damn beautiful. Inside and out. You've come a long way, baby.

-The negative way you treated me pushed me...not to be a better person because I was just fine. And not to prove you wrong because I don't have to prove anything to anyone. But it pushed me...and now, I have a GREAT life. What the fuck have you got?

-All of my most ridiculous memories took place with you. I don't think we're going to be making any more memories like that. Kind of makes me wish the last "story worthy" thing we did together didn't take place at a Taco Bell.

-I'm probably not as sad as I should be that I don't really know who you are anymore. I'd rather fondly remember who you used to be.

-I'm really, really proud of you. You've grown leaps and bounds from the person you were 10 years ago. Not that that person was bad, by any means. You're just pretty damn amazing now. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're still in my life after all these years and our ups and downs. My days just aren't the same when you're not around. You're one of my best friends.

-I could not function without you. You are the love of my life.

-The two of you make me feel like I'm worthless. And I refuse to let ANYONE make me feel that way. So where do we go from here?

-You're going to get through it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel might be 1,000 miles long and filled with snakes. Regardless, I know you will get through it and you will manage to come out relatively unharmed on the other side. I'm happy to go through it with you...but you have to deal with the snakes.

-You're a monster and most of the people who know you agree.  The rest of them will figure it out. Eventually, you will be left with nothing but regrets. In the words of Phil Collins, a very wise man, "If you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand".


Two: Nine things about yourself.

-I have always been told that I am my mother's daughter. I don't doubt this in the least. We're both totally bananas, laugh at our own jokes, like the same music. and movies. But after flipping over a relatively important document to draw a diagram to illustrate a point, I was told I was my father's daughter. It was the first time.

-If I'm crying, and someone else starts crying, I stop crying.

-I'm not a lazy person, per se, but my favorite days are the ones where you stay in your pajamas, eating junk, watching movies, reading magazines. Lazy days. So many of my favorite days involved Becky, romantic-comedies and Chinese food, or Phoebe, bad movies, brownies and mac-n-cheese. Simple. Perfect. Honestly...I'm easy to please.

-I can day-dream like nobody's business. I have about 1,000,000 different lives.

-I try to be as honest as I can with people. I don't believe that holding things back or sugar-coating things, especially when asked directly, helps anyone. HOWEVER, I am not blunt. I believe there is a huge difference between being honest and being blunt. I don't think blunt people care about who they hurt with their words. I still try to protect people's feelings...because I know I can take things very personally at times. You can be honest. You don't need to be an asshole.

-I'm trying to be less of an asshole.

-I hate the word 'asshole'. Not as much as I hate 'butthole' though.

-I really and truly have very little regrets about my life and how I've lived it. Sure, there are things I wish I'd never done or people I wish I'd never wasted my time with, and so on. But overall, every experience I've had has made my life what it is in one way or another. And right now, I truly love my life. There's nothing more I could ask for.

-It's been incredibly difficult to just talk about myself.


Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

-Love me for me, quirks and all. Don't expect me to change and don't ask me to. Treat me how you expect/want to be treated.

-Trust me and be trust worthy. Simple as that.

-Little things go a long way...like laying out my pre-natal vitamins and a banana for the morning or texting me to let me know it's icy out because you know I'm clumsy or bringing me lunch to work because I forgot me and leaving a sweet note in the bag. The sweet, little gestures mean more to me than any expensive gift.

-Be yourself. It's your weird little quirks and silliness, the stuff that sets you apart, that make me swoon.

-Love my friends like I love them. Take them into your life. Make them your friends. Because if I was forced to choose...


-Be supportive and encouraging. A pat on the back or "way to go" or an offer of help from you means more than from anyone else in the world.

-It may sounds dumb, silly, pathetic, juvenile...but a random snuggle, a hug, a smooch, a head/back rub, hand holding, pulling you close at night...aces. All of it.

-Accept that I'm a chick and will do chick things like get moody or emo. Cutting some clack from time to time is always appreciated.


Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

- "We're sooooo close to being in good financial shape. It's going to feel so good to have a surplus of money every week. What a weight that'll be off my mind."

- "If I never saw you again, I wouldn't miss you. I wonder if that's bad."

- "I can't wait to find out if you're a boy or a girl."

- "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

- "If I go to bed this early, will that be pathetic?"

- "Life is good."

- "Gross."


Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

-Various tattoos and facial piercings automatically come to mind.

-Dated not 1 but 2 raging alcoholics who treated me like garbage while I wasted my youth keeping them alive.

-Eloped when I was just a young idiot.

-Let you make me feel bad in order to feel better about yourself.

-Put myself in some of the bad positions I put myself in.

-Erased the photos of the damage you caused


Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

1. Todd
2. Tessa
3. Carol
4. Becky
5. The monster


Seven: Four turn-offs.

-Frat-boy syndrome...where pounding beers is SO AWESOME.
-Excessive cussing for no reason.
-Phonies a.k.a. no original personality.
-Know-It-Alls...even if they DO know it all.


Eight: Three turn-ons.

-A genuine, happy smile and rad sense of humor.
-Something that sets you apart from the pack.
-A positive attitude without being too hippie-ish.


Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.

Why? Because NOTHING means more to me right now than these things:

Ten: One confession.

-This was exhausting. I think Donny's project might have to be post 701. My brain aches.

Sittin' here wishin' on a cement floor.

Rollercoaster goes up. Rollercoaster goes down.

Until yesterday, I had never really fainted before. It was unexpected as I'm guessing most fainting is. I was in the shower getting ready for work and, pardon my French, blacked-the-fuck-out. I never lost consciousness but I lost vision.

A few stumbles back and I cracked my melon on the shower wall. Vision back, room spinning, heart pounding, me yacking. Ultra glamerous. And ultra scary.

I laid down on the bathroom and could hear/feel my head pounding in my ears. Migrated to the bed and felt comatose. I tried to fuel up to see if that was the problem but I was just off. Period. High-tailed it to the ER to get the scoop.

They had to think I was high.

Regardless, they asked me a battery of questions and ran a plethora of tests, including several BP tests and an EKG. The conclusion was that my blood pressure was reaaaaaally low (due to pregnancy, dehydration, and possibly the notoriously hot showers I take).

My blood supply has increased and is focused around the tiny human I'm growing. Takes longer for blood to get to the brain. But that's nothing new. I was encouraged to follow up with my OB/GYN within 24 hours so here I am, waiting.

I guess the whole low BP mess gets treated with rest and boatloads of fluids. I was told to drink until I feel overhydrated...and them keep drinking. I'm probably internally drowning.

It's all a bummer because I had turned a corner. No more random nausea, not sooo exhausted, appetite starting to rally. Then this. Balls.

Up next? My 700th post.

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I feel the chemicals creeping in.

 My new obsessions! I am going to try and pick up the book of patterns today and get cracking on crocheting these awesome little dolls. Of course my unborn monster needs ALL of them, but I also want to make some for Vincent, Evan, Livvie, etc. So I need to get started so I can get over the first pancake phenomenon.

I taught myself how to knit from a book so I'm sure I can learn how to crochet. I heard the patterns can be a little tricky if you're already used to typical crochet patterns...but I'm not! I'm unspoiled! Working on these little critters will give me something to do besides watch 7 seasons of Gilmore Girls when my stomach is feeling lame. I'm really pumped.

First up for my bundle of horror...robot, ninja, and possibly Spartan.

CAN'T WAIT.

I don't mind and I don't mind.

Nothing says Monday like your doc declaring you STD free.

...

Maybe I should state that I had no doubts about my STD-free-ness. I was forced into the tests by my doc who was just looking out for the eyesight of my unborn. Vaginal yuck and baby blindness go hand-in-hand. If you didn't know, now you do.

Want a rant?

I can't flippity flipping BELIEVE that Annette Benning won a Golden Globe for that horrific monstrosity, "The Kids Are Alright". That movie was garbage and I'll be fast-forwarding through her acceptance speech when I watch the Globes...which I have DVR'd because I have an awards show addiction. I would've pulled a Kanye, had I been there. Why I would be at the Golden Globes is in question but I would've gone apeshit!

And why is the press all overcome with shock and awe about Ricky Gervais making jokes at the expense of some "celebrities"? Have you ever watched an awards show before? Do you even KNOW who Ricky Gervais IS? I can't wait to see him lay into Angelina Jolie. She needs to be taken down a few pegs. Preferably by me. And Preferably by cutting off her calves with a machete.

Speaking of amputation...

Sorry, Zsa Zsa. I heard you don't even know your leg is gone yet but that you've been eating ice cream and sausage and smiling. I would not be smiling if I came off of Morphine to discover my leg had been removed. But maybe Zsa Zsa Gabor isn't as anti-amputation as I am. Wait...maybe I'm not so much ANTI-amputation. I'm just terrified of it. Apotemnaphobia. If I were her...apeshit.

I had a bunch of nightmares last night. One dealing with me outside at night in the rain, digging through wet soil to find these long, scary, angry weasel type creatures and then pretty much beating them to death because they were both frightening AND stopping me from fixing my car battery. I felt like I was in the pool in "Poltergeist".

I somehow think the nightmare was cause by an episode of "No Reservations" where Anthony Bourdain was digging for Geoduck/Gooey Duck. Yeah, I'm officially also afraid of prehistoric looking clams. Ostroconophobia. That's just a fear of clams, not prehistoric looking ones specifically.

I've gotta go. I'm feeling freaked out by my own rant!

Heaven knows what happens now.

A lot of milestones are creeping up here in my ridiculous little life. Commemoration of 32 years put in on this planet by me (I do NOT miss my 20s one little bit), 3 years as a dedicated employee at The Coast (I get a pizza party and a cool grand once I've been here 10 years, which is one of my main goals in life...who doesn't like a pizza party and a pat on the back?), and 3 years running amok with Todd.

Maybe 3 years doesn't sound like that long in the grand scheme of things but if I think about WHERE I was working or WHO I might have been seeing at the time or WHAT my ridiculous little life was life, it seems lifetimes ago.  Light years. It's hard to even remember, which may be a blessing. Those were not my most glamorous moments, I'll tell you what. And I'm not just talking about the pink hair or the drunken debacles *twitch*

But for feeling like 3 years really isn't that long, I've managed to jam pack a boatload of shtuff in there. I left a job that I once loved (and was pretty damn good at), I left someone (which was one of the most freeing feelings in my life), I got a new and much better job, found a new and much better mate (and we mated for life), got engaged and planned a wedding, tied that knot and was a newlywed, moved into the house we'll spend the rest of our lives in, and created LIFE out of THIN AIR! When I think about all that, yeah, 3 years is a long time.

If you had to spend 3 years in jail, I bet you'd fucking hate it.

I don't know why I'm doing all this pseudo-deep thinking. I also don't know why I'm using so many parenthesis today. I know the past 3 years have been far superior to the previous 3, and for that, I'm thankful.

And I do know it's comforting that the main cast of characters in my life have remained from then to now. They're good eggs. I hate that term, "good eggs", because I hate eggs. But if I said, "They're good squids", would people be left scratching their heads? How did this whole thing start again? Oh yeah, life is funny. I think that's the central theme.

Thanks for being good squids.

I'm not the one to tell you what's wrong or what's right.

Let me stress AGAIN how glad I am to have been in a coma for most of 2011 so far because this year has been b-b-bumpy for family and friends already! To any of my nearest and dearest going through a rough patch right now, I love you and know you'll come out the other side relatively unscathed, even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment. One foot in front of the other.

I have not had my hair cut in almost a year. Which I believe is the same thing I said last year at this time. I need to get the thumbs up from my doc tomorrow for a dye job (I don't want our monster coming out with three heads because I couldn't live without peek-a-boo highlights) and then I'm treating myself. This mess is even too long for an Ann-Margaret 'do and that just doesn't work in my book. I refuse to look scruffy.

Carol's birthday shin-dig is coming up at the end of the month which means the debut of Lady Leadfoot. I'm excited about that and having a bowling ally grilled cheese, equally. I just have to train the mutt in my gut to WANT to rock out. Or at least to allow ME to rock out. I refuse to sleep through a bunch of fun bands and celebrating a lady I lurve. If you're looking for me, I'll be at the counter eating one of everything (I WILL have my appetite back by then, I WILL).

Speaking of mutts-in-guts, I predict that Vincent will be born on January 19th. I don't know why but I have a feeling he'll make an early debut. I'm pretty good at predicting what kind of junk the unborn will end up with but I've never taken a stab at due dates. So...January 19th. You heard it here first.

That's all. Hard to entertain when you've become a championship napper.

Baby blather here.

Some will fall in love with life and drink it from a fountain that was pouring like an avalanche, coming down the mountain.

I hate Dane Cook. He is not at all funny. Loud does not equal hilarious.

I also hate the song "Only Girl" by Rhianna. I've heard it accidentally while scanning the radio channels and it's atrocious. It truly sounds like she struggling and I find that annoying.

Let's see...what else do I currently hate?

Phonies. That's a given. Anyone with a hidden agenda. Anyone trying to purposefully ruffle feathers. And I'm sort of hating 2011. For me, it's been swell because I've been in a constant coma (though the little monster let me escape yesterday with ZERO morning sickness and none so far today), but I'm hating it for pals and family.

Within 4 days, a friend had to unexpectedly bury a young family member, my cousin (the nicest guy in Cleveland, everyone loves Dave P.) was attacked by a Canadian jackass and has his arm in a cast, and my bro-in-law (Godfather to the unborn) was hauled out of work in an ambulance. All within 4 days! Bananas.

So I'm feeling kind of hate-y today. This never-ending chest cold is helping to feed my rage. It was a struggle to fall out of bed today. Pudding for breakfast has increased the odds that this day will improve.

And less than a week until we get to see/hear a heartbeat. That's boss.

Maybe the time is right. Oh, maybe tonight.

Happy New Year, sexy pants.

I still haven't made a resolution and still don't think I will seeing as I can't see past my next nap. But I think I'm going to follow in Little Jen's footsteps and make this year a little bit more about me. 2011 with be the year of Lacey.

I spent far too much of 2010 worrying about other people...not that that's a bad thing. But a piece of advice I have always lived by...and dispensed...is that I'm the only one who will be in my coffin so I'm the one I need to make happy. Now I'm not being selfish. I want to make others happy...husband, family, close friends. But I need to spend some time on me.

Right now, I'm feeling so guilty for all the time I spend sleeping or exhausted. Like I'm abandoning my family. But, as my pals keep reminding me, I'm growing a human being! There is nothing wrong with me getting as much sleep as possible. I've got to take care of me.

And there have been some people who have taken up too many of my thoughts and don't deserve to. Maybe it sounds harsh to say I'm writing people of...but I am. I need to be surrounded by less drama and less negativity. I'm not turning "hippie" but I have lots of awesome people on my life. They're who I want to be around.

So, I guess that's it. 2011: The Year Of Me.

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I'm not the man they think I am at home.

Do I want to make resolutions this year? It's pretty common for people to flake out on the resolutions before the first day of the year is even kaput. It might be a waste of my time to even make a boring list full of the same ol', same ol'.

I could say I'm going to eat better (but I have zero appetite which can't be good for the monster inside me), that I'm going to workout (but Tessa and I already have plans to join the rec in February to help her drop those last few lbs. and keep me fit during my preggoness), that I'm going to paint more (I was so flipping motivated and have a list a mile long and then SPLAT....nothing), that I'm going to get more money into savings (which actually WILL happen)...

...BUT THAT'S ALL BORING!

And to be honest, I don't know what I want to come out of 2011! I just know that I want 2010 to be over. Don't get me wrong, some great things happened: Olivia was born, Jimbo and Jess got hitched, EVERYONE under the sun that I love got engaged, we bought Castle Grayskull, Vincent (and our unborn) done got conceived.

But HORRIBLE things happened, too: friends lost loved ones (R.I.P. grandma), Brother Ed was diagnosed with cancer, other pals/family had medical issues, relationships ended, etc. There was good, for sure, but did the good outweigh the bad? I'm not sure.

Per usual, I'll try to make sure to make the best out of the year, no matter how backwards it might turn out. But as for specific resolutions...eh...I don't know. What I DO know is that for YEARS now, Carol High Hair and I have been waiting for years to end so the next one can get better. I could really use a year that is so great, I don't want it to end, ya know?

I bet you're with me.

Don't sound like Christmas at all.

Of course I'd be up by 5am on my vacation day from work. Ah, the joys of pregnancy. Oh, if you didn't already know, I've got a bun in the oven. But there's a bun-in-the-oven blog for that blather. I just wanted to make a point that the monster inside me likes me to rally early.

So why not blog from bed?

Christmas had it's moments but won't be going down in history as the best I've ever had. I was exhausted a majority of the time and things never seemed to go planned. Christmas morning was a success and that's what matters. All the hard work I did playing Santa paid off. Yeah, I'm good at that schtuff.

And I scored some nifty stuff. I like the getting as much as the giving, I'm not going to lie. A Finn hat, Adventure Time hoodie, Futurama season 5, Super Mario All-Stars for the Wii, and a pair of sweet DC boots I had my eye in. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Regardless, I'm glad it's over. I'm sure New Years will be low key, too. I just want to get 2010 out the door by any means necessary! I don't know anyone who would give this year high marks.

I guess I've summed up my holiday so maybe I'll try and shut my eyes again. Dr. Nightmare is laying on my belly purring away. Maybe she'll motor me into a coma!

Sweet dreams.

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Oh, I won't sleep tonight.

Aching all over. Chills. Pounding head. Stiff neck. Yep, I'm sick. Happy Holidays to moi. Illness makes me French. So I'm knee-deep in season 2 of Gilmore Girls, buried under a pile of blankets with my hood up and a serious case of ennui.

My X-Mas Eve outfit is laid out (and adorable) and I'm putting off gathering X-Mas day steaks until mañana (now I'm Spanish). So for the rest of the day/night, consider me a zombie.

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I'm beyond repair so give me back my broken parts.

RANT!

Let me kick this off by saying that I do NOT like the song "Be OK" by Ingrid Michaelson. I had heard it in some annoying commercial before but today was the first time I had ever heard it on the radio. I loved her jam "The Way I Am", also in a commercial, so I gave this one a shot.

Now I'll admit, it's upbeat, peppy, and can certainly make you dance in your seat or at least bob your head. It's catchy. It's sun-shiny and bright. AND IT'S SIMULTANEOUSLY TOTALLY DEPRESSING! The story behind the song is just plain sad...a women who just wants to be OK, just wants to feel something, and is made up of nothing but broken hearts. It's basically a "Will I or won't I kill myself today because there is absolutely nothing left in my life but misery?" tale. AND IT'S SO DAMN PEPPY.

It was confusing to me. Therefore, I must never hear it again.

Moving on...

I could listen to "Animal" by Neon Trees all day long. It's my new jam.

Moving on...again...

Christmas is right around the corner. My shopping is done and my wrapping is following closely behind. We've settled on steaks for our X-Mas day meal because hey, nothing says Christmas quite like grilling. Maybe we'll start a new tradition and go see a movie like Tom and Carol always do. Regardless, whatever we do, I think it'll be great...so long as I hear New Bomb Turks' version of "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)", "Christmas Is Coming" as performed by Miss Piggy and watch "Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas".

I have high hopes, despite feeling like the flu is coming on.

This kiss you give, it's never ever gonna fade away.

The weekend was jam-packed. Exhaustion is bossing me around.

Like I've said, I really am in the holiday spirit, and not just because I got a healthy bonus at the company Christmas party on Thursday. Friday night we had my aunts over and I was so darn pleased with myself...how festive the house looked, how the food turned out. It was a nice evening, but that was just the kick off.

The next night was X-Mas with my immediate family where I stuffed myself silly with chicken paprikash and got amazing gifts! I wasn't supposed to get anything since we were fronted some cash for our Disney vacation...but I ended up with 5 poison jars I LOVE, a Rachael Ray sautee pan I was dying for, and a microplane which I have ALWAYS wanted. Watch out lemons, I'm coming for you!

Closed out the weekend by being a cooking fool as I prepped a turkey feast for Todd's immedaite family X-Mas (which was at Castle Grayskull). Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and again, I felt pretty proud. But pride was quickly followed by mind-numbing exhaustion. I've been running on go for way too long and there's no rest in SIGHT!

On deck: PF Chang's for a holiday dinner with Todd and Sharon, X-Mas Eve at my Grandma's (R.I.P.), X-Mas day in our jammies stuffing our faces and watching movies, and a holiday get together with my cousins. Hopefully I can schedule some naps in there! Either way, I'm loving life right now, despite the chaos, and I hope you are, too.

I just wish I could see some of my friends. I miss y'all.

I know this post wasn't uber-exciting but this is how it is.

Don't go spreading those stories around. Those facts are still in doubt.

Uno: I started listening to the Drags album, 45 x 3, on my way to work this morning and forgot how totally AWESOME it is. "I Like To Die" and "Well Worth Talking About" are jams. It's always fun to be reintroduced to music. I was getting pretty tired of the contents of my Ipod. This does NOT mean you, Lady Gaga and They Might Be Giants.

Dos: I'm not sending out Christmas cards this year so please don't be offended if you don't get one. Next year I will for sure. I just don't have the time, the wit, or the stamps for that kind of project right now. But I DO appreciate every card we've gotten so far. We've got some rad pals and great family, for sure. They're all hanging on the back of our front door.

Tres: If you're following 1313 Mockingbird Lane, please don't think I've abandoned the project. The baby-making OR the blogging. The next 2 and a half weeks are going to be a little nutso with all the holiday festivities and that blog is important to me. I don't want to rush my thoughts and throw babble in your face (like I love to do here, suckers). So entries are being written and saved, and will be edited and posted after all the togetherness and chaos of the holidays is ka-put.

Feliz Navidad,  y'all!

Been down that rocky road but here we are, still around.

Yahoo! is trying to tell me that I DON'T want a mustache for my dog. Clearly, they've never met me because I'm pretty sure the ONLY thing I want is a mustache for my dog. A dog named Santo NEEDS a mustache. Am I right?

Managed to get a pretty raaaaaad Christmas gift for Todd. Something he wanted. Pumped about that. Pumped about the holidays in general, actually. I've got the spirit! The holiday spirit should not be confused with the "driving in the snow" spirit because that makes me want to go NINJA on strangers.

Todd watched "Eclipse". Never complained. Did make a fake snoring sound.

I can't stop thinking about dog mustaches so I'm useless this morning.

She is good. She is bad. No one understands.

Before 5:30 (yes, they have one of those in the MORNING), I managed to oversleep a.k.a. Todd totally muffed up setting the alarm, slip in the driveway and land smack on my tailbone, and forget my lunch.

But then I got to work and this was waiting for me:

Good morning. I hope ur am commute was a pleasant one and trouble free. Im wishing you a good day where everything goes your way.

Sure the morning has been everything BUT trouble-free, but that was super sweet. He's been really awesome thr past 2 weeks while I've been especially stressed out. Last night he was totally cool with my blowing off some steam with Sharon. And he's been driving my car to work and handling getting new tires, a new windshield, and an oil change so it's safe for winter. They're little things but they mean a lot.

If only my tailbone and legs would stop tingling. And my back and shoulders would relax. And lunch would magically appear.

New post over at 1313 Mockingbird Lane.

Gonna shake hands with the masses.

I'm working out the kinks with the blog templates so just sit tight. Every time I have a background I like, I muck it up some how. Anyway, it'll be worth it once I pick something and stick with it.

And let's get this out of the way: YES, I bought Eclipse the day it came out. And YES, I watched it that same day, by myself. And YES, it was just as awesome as when I saw it in the theater, by myself.

The weekend. What can I say?

I kicked it off with steak and a double order of mushrooms so how could it go bad? In all actuality, that dinner was a cheer-up meal with Todd after I got my feelings and feathers ruffled. He's good at stuff like that.

I woke up Friday morning determined not to let the previous day ruin my down time. I invested all of my energy into decorating for the holidays (with the help of MANY episodes of Conan...welcome back). When Todd got home, we went and picked up outdoor Christmas lights, won $44 playing Keno, and had our first fire in the fireplace at Castle Grayskull. Thumbs up, Friday.

We had a chillaxing visit with Becky on Saturday. I miss her painfully.

Me + a stack of Food Network magazines + ice cold Pepsi (THANKS BECKY) + bad movies in bed = Sunday. It also equals perfection. And Speaking of perfection, I made the best pasta of my life yesterday. Garlic, olive oil, zucchini, asparagus, broccoli, mushrooms, lemons, fontina, shaved parmesean, and a pasta I've never heard of before that sort of resembles a lily. Campanelle?

Hoping to plan/help plan/whatever a Girl's Night soon. Stay tuned.

Right now, I'll give life a 7 out of 10.

A new blog is posted on...the new blog: 1313 Mockingbird Lane

This remedy has got to me!

Holy dog shit!  I just became the owner of my very own soda machine! I didn't realize that this was a dream of mine until the possibility presented itself. It says Cold Drinks on it and it may, or may not, light up. It can be set to free, which is my favorite price, and can hold 6 different beverages. We've got a tiki bar, an enormous projection TV and a Wii. Just need a Ms. Pacman machine and a jukebox and life will be solid. I may never leave the Man Cave. You may have to buy me there.

Also in awesome news, today is Phoebe's 1 year wedding anniversary. The paper anniversay, as it were. I'm glad that 1 year ago today, I was able to use my standings as a reverend in the state of Ohio to join her in unholy matrimony to her mate-of-choice. It was truly an honor. Love you, Bizzle. Happy Paper Day.

And the awesomeness just keeps truckin' in in regards to our weekend. Tonight, it's me vs. tree and I have a goal to convince Todd that there's nothing Charlie Brown looking about it! Tomorrow is Todd vs. Castle Grayskull in the Great Christmas Light Project of 2010. We're doing serious lights his year. No messing around! We're even hosting 2 holiday event this month...my aunts are coming over one night and we're having Todd's extended family over for a turkey dinner another. Gotta get ready for the festivities! From Betty Paige to Betty Crocker (maybe a mix, I'm still saucy).

And the icing on my weekend cake? We're going to see the Queen B in Columbus!! I miss Becky so much and whenever I'm around her (especially on her turf), I just feel calm and good. And Todd was all about making the trip! Hopefully I don't have a cookie-tossing repeat from last weekend. Regardless, at this moment in time, things are solid.

Looks like I have the holiday spirit after all!

And there's a new blog (if you didn't know, Stalking My Life has been retired) all about 2 goons trying to put a bun in the oven. You do not need to be a Blogger member to follow: 1313 MOCKINGBIRD LANE

I wish I could carry your smile in my heart for times when my life seems so low.

Sex and the City 2 was the most embarrassing movie I've ever watched. More so than Boy In the Plastic Bubble with John Travolta. I watched it alone and was still humiliated. Those ladies are getting too old for their shenanigans. They were probably too old years ago. Man, who do I call to get those hours of my life back?

And while we're at it, I want my long weekend back, too.

Turkey Day was a great success since I met my goal of  eating too much gravy and feeling uber-slothlike. The move from chair to couch took almost all my effort. It was good to spend time with my extended family, but it never fails that I leave family functions feelings semi-lousy.

On Black Friday, after a very positive phone call from my doc, we packed up the car and took the kid and a pal to a resort in the Pennsylvania Mountains. There were a lot of issues there and they'll be getting a pretty strongly worded letter from us. But the kids didn't notice anything so in their eyes, it was a boatload of fun.

Not so fun? Having to pull over twice on the way home Saturday to toss my cookies at the Travel Plaza and Sheetz, respectively. Haven't gotten car sick in a while (Todd thinks I'm preggo but I'm not putting any money on that). It really wrecked Cookie Day, a family tradition. Every time I thought I felt better, I bottomed out again. And my feelings took a few hits that day but I don't want to talk about that. SHOCKING! After getting home from my parents house, my guts emptied out and I was down for the count. A little 30 Rock with Todd and bed. We'll mark that day "a wash".

Yesterday was another wash even though I did get to have crepes for breakfast. The dudes went to the Browns game so I was on my own. Bought an X-Mas tree that turned out to be ridiculous so it's getting returned, but managed to get some other nonsense to make the house look festive. Got that swishy carsick feeling again (while driving, which is odd but happens because my body is an anomoly) and parked it on the couch. Sex and the City 2 (thumbs down) and The Back-Up Plan (thumbs up) helped numb my brain.

Numbed it right into a coma.

And now it's time to get in the holiday spirit. First X-Mas in our new home. I hope I can dig deep into my rotten soul and get into it, because I WANT to be into it, I do. I just have to find a way to get there this year. It'll happen. I have faith. I don't have an X-Mas tree, but I have faith!

While we were sleeping, I tried to say...

Gobble gobble!!!

I started my holiday off with pumpkin roll, a glass of milk, and 2 Thanksgiving episodes of Top Chef. Not bad a bad way to start the day! Got me to thinkin'. I'm sure I could have made a list that would have wrapped all the way around the world of things that I am thankful for. However, I have to get ready to stuff my face full of yummy goodness so...most of all...I am thankful...

...for my husband, the love of my life. Some days I want to bite his face off because he makes me bananas. But more often, I want to smooch his sweet face and block out the world so it's just him and me. Todd & Lacey vs. The World. I can't imagine my life without him.

...I'm part of my family. I think we're indestructible.

...I have pals like the Ol' Kentucky Sharks. My how we have grown over the years. Husbands, wives, weddings, engagements, babies. But deep down, still the same Ol' Sharks. Fun-loving, supportive, entertaining and amazing individuals.

...that 2010 is almost over. It's been mind-numbing.

...to have my job. Not just because I am employed (at a place that lets me have a pretty cool lifestyle) but because I truly do love my job. By working for my father, I've gotten to see different sides of him and I support his vision 100%. Anyone would be lucky to have a boss like him. Working there has helped me grow.

...for blogging. It's been waaaaay cheaper than therapy! And even if no one read my blather, I'd still keep clacking away at the keys. I have an emotional record of my life over the last 10 years. I can step right back into those moments of my life. It's a precious opportunity.

...that I get unconditional love from my fur-kids. If I'm at my best or at my worst, they don't care. They're just sweet 24 hours a day. Sweet and dumb, but aren't we all?

...for television, movies, music, magazines. Maybe some people think these things are a waste of time but they bring me so much joy. Always have, always will. I find them all to be so inspiring. They make my imagination thrive. The world is fascinating...the world of entertainment is just MORE entertaining. Adventure Time with Finn and Jake has changed my life.

...we are making a home at Castle Grayskull. Together.

...that I have remained myself over the years. And my friends, family, husband, step-son, and fur-kids all appreciate me for being me. No one expects me to be someone else or anything else. They accept me, quirks and all. I am very lucky.

And very thankful. HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!!!

Well now, do you feel a little better? Lift up your head and walk away.

Are we finally catching a break? Could it be true??

Well, we received good news on one of our fronts so far. Really good news! But there's no time to really enjoy it because we're still waiting for word on a few other things. But it will all come soon enough and no matter what the outcome, at least I'll be able to breathe over the long weekend.

We've had so many rad people cheering us on and sending the good vibes our way about everything that's going on in our lives right now. I can't tell you how much it means to be surrounded by such cool people. I hope we're been there for our dudes when they've needed us. I like to think we can be counted on.

But if it's not too much to ask, keep sending the vibes.

In non-stressful situation news...

Today is Johnny Switchblade's last day as a swinging bachelor. Am I sad that I'm not going to be there to witness the event that neither he nor I ever thought would happen? Yeah. I'm a little upset.

...

Maybe more than a LITTLE upset, but what can you do? I think I'm just a little salty because who doesn't think they're going to be there when their best friend ties the knot? He was a groomsman in my wedding...but that was MY wedding. I hope I'll at least see some pictures some day. I'll hang a picture of him as a groom right next to a picture of him dressed a priest. It'll be like Johnny's costumes over the years.

Ooh! A big congrats to Carol The Shoe for landing a J-O-B!!! CHEERS!!! Hopefully the good news keeps a-comin' and we can celebrate everyone's engagments, pregnancies, jobs, weddings, what-have-you at the Thansgiving Eve Train Wreck tomorrow night! Gotta embrace the one awesome period in this backwards year, am I right??

Alright day, let's get started, shall we?

Baby, when it's love if it ain't rough it isn't fun!

Man,  I don't have $9 extra bones to get the Lady Gaga limited edition tee on Tee Fury. And I love it, of course. Damn forcing myself to be responsible with money at Christmas time! Grrrr.

And congratulations, Jimmie Johnson. 5 years in a row. You've made history once again. People were cheering against you and hoping someone else would get a turn. But hey, you're the best and you did it. I'm proud of you. See you in February.

But let's start with the truly important news...

My little sis and Karl are engaged!! That's right, Evan! Mommy and Daddy are getting married and I. CAN'T. WAIT. I love you guys and couldn't be happier for you. If I could do backflips, I would, but that would be dangerous for everyone. So CONGRATS, Jenny Penny. You're going to make a bootiful bride!

For real...something has to be in the water. Lurve is EVERYWHERE!

I really have no other news, though we expect news from a few different (and muy importante) sources this week. Jesus, Buddah, Zeus, Satan, Mother Earth...whoever you pray to, maybe you could send some positive vibes our way. I could certainly tolerant some raddness this week.

And turkey. I could stand some turkey!

So a short week is followed by a long weekend that will have us tubing in Pennsylvania. I, personally, won't be tubing because I don't like when snow touches me. But I'll be there and I'll be loving it. Especially since there will be fireworks and a holiday lighting ceremony. I'm a sucker for things that sparkle and explode! And a mini-road trip with my little family is something to be thankful for.

I'm thankful that I spent a majority of my weekend in pajamas on the couch watching Big Bang Theory and 30 Rock with my husband. Some one-on-one time was needed for sure. Gotta be thankful for the low-key little things. The blah days. Be thankful for the blah days...cause at least you're head isn't falling off.

I'm thankful for all you guys. Cause you're witty and hot.

Gonna reconstruct your self-worth brick-by-emotional-brick!

Not only is it deep into autumn, but it's practically WINTER and Katy Perry is STILL torturing me with "California Girls" every hour on the hour. I'm as sick as a homeless dog and that ridiculous and repetitive noise she makes might just be the thing that catapults me over the edge. Punching babies and kicking dogs over here.

Yep, still feeling like garbage but the world doesn't stop a-turnin' for the flu. And I got a mini-pep talk from Phoebe so the little black raincloud I was under isn't so mammoth. I can't let being physically ill affect my mental marbles. I have much more important things to feel enraged about...this means YOU, Katy Perry! So I just have to kick it. There are no other options. Ignore it or kick it. In the words of Finn the Human...

Is this really my life?
Is this how my story ends?
Bein' in this body
Seems like a battle that I cannot win.

 Maybe I should lay my head down slow
And sleep till it's all OVER.
Is this the end
of a hero boy named Finn?

HECK NO, darn it no!
This isn't how I go!
I'm gonna kill it!
I'm gonna kick life's butt.
I'm in it, to win it!

I'm gonna take life's name
And spit on it, and kick it!
LIFE CAN JUST GO EAT IT!
Cause this is a man's game!

I'm not gonna let you lie here, and waste away!
You better get up, or I'll kick you up!
TODAY'S THE DAY.

And I'm not gonna be COOL
Cause I'm pipin' HOT!
GET UP! GET UP!
I'm not gonna let you ROT.

GET UP, ALL OF YOU MAKE ME SICK.
I'll fix you with MY KICKS!
Gonna reconstruct your self-worth
Brick BY EMOTIONAL BRICK.
 
You know, after singing that, I feel 1% better.
 
Thanks Finn.
 
Thanks Phoebe.

They say you're getting better but you don't feel any better.

Everything aches from the inside out. I'm sick but what else is new? This battle with my body doesn't get any easier, even now that I know what's kicking my immune system to the floor. It's getting harder and harder to just push through. I feel like a failure for getting sick. And this is NOTHING compared to what other people I know are going through.

"I've never met anyone more prone to life-threatening idiocy than you" - Alice Cullen

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I just can't live without you. I'd miss everything about you.

Ol' Kentucky weddings and babies as far as they eye can see. It's official. Love is in the Cleveland...and surrounding areas...air! If you don't watch out, you might catch it!

April and Dennis done got hitched on the sly. HOORAY!

That's some pretty awesome news right there and I've been told that a ceremony and reception will follow at some point. I'm glad to hear that because this is something to celebrate and I want to be a part of it! They are two rad folks...with the CUTEST baby girl on the PLANET, I could seriously eat her face off...and deserve all the happiness they can get their hands on.

Is now the time to forgive Dennis for convincing me his middle name is "Ace"?

Which I believed. Openly. FOR YEARS.

...

Maybe I'm not ready to let that go just yet.  Still, congratulations Bells!

If I get through this part, will the next one be the same?

Punching babies, kicking dogs. Round up your children. Protect yer pets.

Might as well lay it right out on the table that the possible weird news that I thought turned out to be normal news is back to being weird and somewhat mind-numbing. Once again, we'll know more in a few weeks. Patience is a virtue, it's just not one of mine so...yeah. Awesome. Then pile on top of THAT some other rotten news that I wasn't expecting and didn't want to hear (not my news to tell but affects me and will hopefully end up being nothing) and I'm just all kinds of sucko over here.

Todd's come down with some gross sickness that I'm trying to avoid at all costs but will no doubt knock my legs out from under me. It's inevitable.  I've been informed that I don't have to visit his grave if it's raining (courteous since I don't like being in wet clothes) so it must be pretty rough. I'm super looking forward to catching it and adding to my melancholy.

We missed the engagement bonfire and the baby shower and even though he made it to the game (18th row tickets for his birthday from his wiiiiiife), he spent all night tossing his cookies and dealing with the worst headache of his life. Things are currently NOT awesome. That was a pretty awesome run-on sentence up top there though. Leave it to me to ramble my stress away.

Rot.

Today is the 115th anniversary of the X-Ray. We're old friends.

I see some retail therapy in my future, thanks to my mother. Cardigans and dresses and boots, oh my! H&M isn't going to know what hit it!! I'm shaking up the way I dress because dressing scummy makes me feel scummy any more. I need to put a little pep-in-my-step and shake things up. Sure, I'm not fond of all the exfoliating and plucking and shaving and waxing and ironing and laundering and primping it takes to look put-together and sassy...but maybe good outsides will create good insides. 60s Mod-ish is a good look for me, I think. No more dressing like a teenage boy unless I'm painting.

Maybe I should just have a New Year's Eve party and end 2010 earlier...

Never worry. Never be sad.

I'm good at birthdays.  I don't think that's vain to say. It's not like I said I'm pretty. I do my best to knock socks straight off when it comes to the birthdays of those closest to my black-n-bloody heart. Probably because I love my own birthday so much. Come on and celebrate me by being awesome and doing awesome stuff, am I right? OK, that might have been a little vain.

I sort of got my head stuck in a honey jar with Todd's birthday this year and it's right around the corner. I couldn't come up with anything that felt right. Sure, I got a few things together but nothing of sock-knocking proportions. Until today, that is! I worked it out (THANKS Craigslist!) and I can't wait to see the look on his puss. Trying to hold out but it's hard when he's the person I tell everything to!

Keep the secret. Keep the secret. Keep the secret.

Changing the subject I internally combust...

What's the news? News I thought was bad news wasn't. It was normal news. I'll take normal news any day. And I thought I'd take anything over that "California Girls" nonsense but with the change of seasons came "Teenage Dream" and I'm just as annoyed as I was all summer. Way to go, Katy Perry.

When listing the married, engaged, and expecting, I forgot Switchblade. Oops.

I'll be honest. I'm not voting. I vote for president but that's as far as I extend myself. I know it's my civic duty. I was all pro-voting and wacky about government in high school. But I am so anti-these campaign commercials that have been plauging my precious tube that I'm boycotting. Take that and shove it, politics!

Adventure Ben (a.k.a The Drink) was injured in some freak motorbike (not sure if that's the same as a motorcycle or if it's some sort of Thai moped or what) accident near Burma. He looks pretty awesome in his foreign hospital gown all stitched up and bruised. Regardless of his radical injuries, I'm glad he's OK. And I'm glad I got a postcard before he got all wrecked and loopy. Get well soon, man!

End transmission.

I don't need anybody's help to rise above it.

I am still pulling spirit gum off my ears. Halloween was a success.

A success in many ways it seems because Wolfboy Slim and Little Erin got engaged last night (same night I got engaged 2 short years ago)!!! A message I received simply read "FINALLY!!!!" and I knew what had gone down...and I also almost fell out of my bed!! I could not possibly be more excited for her and wish I could have seen the look on her face! Congrats, y'all! This is hardcore awesome news.

Love is in the air, man. Jimbo and Jess had their Halloween reception on Saturday, Jenn Terror got hitched yesterday, Jackie and Jocephus got engaged recently and their plans are rolling along, and now Erin and Josh join the pack. Plus Evan turned 1 and the baby shower for Vincent is around the corner. This is all good stuff. Totally the kind of awesomeness we need to balance out the disaster of a year. I'm pumped for everyone. Truly.

We went as Big Red Riding Hood and the Little Bad Wolf. I loved it.

So Halloween is over for another year but the start of holiday season is here. Turkey Day, Christmas Eve, Anti-X-Mas, New Year's festivities. I'm hoping the holidays continue to rock so we can end 2010 on a high note. I'm also hoping that some news we got isn't really as bad as my swirling brain is making it out to be. Trying to stay positive which is not always the easiest thing. Luckily I'll know more today. Le sigh.

Looking back at my short life, the few pleasures that I've found.

AWESOME. LIKE. WHOA.

...

LIKE WHOA!

I'm so chock full of smutty adrenaline, thanks to Weasel. Yesterday I was feeling so exhausted and down-in-the-dumps due to this rot we call 2010 (R.I.P. Stella...I only met you once last Halloween but you were super snazzy and will be missed by your many friends, I'm sure). But he turned my frown upside down in BIG ways. Feeling 16 again is the cat's pajamas!!

Seeing him this morning, naive and vulnerable looking, I left like this:

I was pretty much ready to rip him to shreds with my tiny, ineffectual fists and eat him alive! I felt like a hormonal teenager, all VA-VOOM, acting first and thinking later. It's hard to concentrate today and I'm blushing quite frequently, to be honest. But I have a smile plastered on my mug and that's what counts. Gotta grab onto the awesome moments of this backwards year and run for the door!

AWOOOOOOOOGAH!

Two of a billion stars. It means so much to me.

Come on and get here, Halloween!!

Since I'm done with our costumes (in ADVANCE, I can't believe it), I offered some help to Sharon who is also going to a Halloween wedding. She was getting frustrated about her costume and I know what a bummer that can be. But with a little brainstorming, I think we pulled off something better than she had initially planned. She's excited again which makes me excited. I'm glad I could help out.

One of my pals is having a rough time getting into the Halloween spirit. Boo.

It's been a rough year for a lot of people, as I've previously blather. I hope that all changes soon because I hate seeing people with their sad faces on. A friend of some friends is in the hospital on life support. She someone's wife and so young, it's heart breaking. 2010 is GARBAGE. It's almost over, y'all. Fresh start in 2011. Drama-free is the way to be. After all the garbage that's gone on recently, my mom says she more thankful for the blah, boring days where nothing happens. I'm agreeing 100%.

I haven't ended a blog with "LIFE IS GOOD" in awhile...since August 19th! Ouch. But there are a plthora of fun things coming up which will hopefully set the world right. Spontaneous Japanese dinner, Halloween wedding, Trick-or-Treating, engagement bonfire, baby shower for Vincent & Todd's birthday, tattoo cover-up featuring cakes and pies, something special (I'll talk about it later) for my little family, the Fabulous Food Show, hanging with various pals, our traditional Cookie Day...it's all good. It's all great. It's all going to start counter-balancing the junk going on.

Life is on it's way back to good.

Or I'll grab it by the balls and show it whose BOSS!

I'm leaving on that midnight train tomorrow and I know just where I'm going.

I'm ultra, mega bummed which is not a good start to my work week. Lisa (henceforth known as "The Captain") invited me to Guam for a week of beach resort fun if I could swing the plane ticket. For years, I've always used "the rocky beaches of Guam" as my destination when I threatened to run away. But plane tickets to Guam are way spendy. Now someone else will be having beachy fun with The Captain instead of me. Grrrrrr.

I woke up grouchy and will continue to be so for the duration.

Let's see...what's awesome that I can talk about?

I went to the circus with Bizzle on Thursday night and it was flat out rad, both the circus itself and hanging with that awesome broad. I'll be going again next year, fo' sho. I would make an excellent circus performer. I would also make an awesome owner to a miniature misfit pony that looked that a cupcake. It was great to see Phoebe so super psyched. It was not great to see a little kid in sweatpants and no shoes laying on the stairs eating a sno-cone with a spoon he kept dragging on the ground. Hate that kid.

So the bright lights, sequins and shenanigans of the circus were an excellent distraction until Friday came and I had an appointment I wasn't looking forward to. Luckily, I had a husband who bailed out of work early to accompany me. I'll talk more about the appointment another time. I'll just say that it was uncomfortable but the results were exactly what we wanted to hear. After getting the good news, we celebrated with a 64 ounce German boot and some laughs.

Yesterday, we went to visit my cousin who is in the hospital after a total fluke skateboarding accident. The improvement in his condition from last Monday was mind-blowing and I hope he can ditch that place soon and get back to his family. Post-that, we went to PJ McIntyre's to support a bartender pal who was attacked there back in July. A portion of the bar sales were going to his medical bills so eating and drinking was the least we could do. And the Browns beat the Super Bowl champs for the 3rd year in a row! I only care about that because Todd cares. Cheering for his team is like wearing his letter sweater.

Halloween festivities are approaching. I. AM. AMPED.

But I'm still so bummed about Guam. I lost 2.9 pounds on my new workout plan so I wouldn't have looked half bad in a bikini with an umbrella drink. Plus, I miss The Captain. Le sigh...

Tonight we'll put all other things aside.

Once I order my creepy contacts, our costumes will be COMPLETE!

Maybe we spent a little more dough than we should have but you know what? It's Halloween. Go big or go home, that's what I say! Since everything is coming together (without me having to stitch, glue, purchase or construct anything at the last second), I am predicting nothing but uber-fun at the Hissem wedding next weekend. I'm so glad I have a husband who loves Halloween and dressing up as much as me. There will be pictures. And they will be priceless.

Tomorrow I'm going to the circus with Phee-Bizzle and Todd thinks I'm going to runaway without so much as a text message. This was all prompted by dreams Phoebe had last year about me being a trapeze artist. I'd be damn good at that. I've already added "will break a rib to fit into a tight, sequined costume" and "easily persuaded into acts of danger and stupidity" to my resume (and my Facebook page, which is the resume of my life).

I haven't been to the circus since 3rd grade and like many people, I totally hate clowns...yet suddenly have an urge to paint them. But I'm jazzed to go because Phoebe is coo-coo over the circus and I think it will be cool to take it all in as an adult. And I like spontaneity. Going to the circus was not on my agenda until I got a very eager and excited text message last night. Of course I was in. I'm up for pretty much anything, especially last minute awesomeness. And who knows...maybe I'll get my big break as Madame Fifi von Glitter Pants.

What else?

Todd and I have reverted back into teenagers and I like it. I think our weekend plan involves nothing but cocktails, movies, and friskies. We both have doctor's appointments this week that neither of us are looking forward to so our time off needs to be pure chillaxation. Chillaxation followed by a fundraiser for our bartender pal, James, who was attacked and got 84 stitches in his mug. WHY ARE PEOPLE SUCH RIDICULOUS JERKOFFS???

Two people in my life call me 'Ace'. It amuses me. And with that...

And when one little bump leads to shock, miss a beat, you run for cover so discreet.

2010 needs to be over. We need to fast forward and start fresh.

It seems that everywhere I look, bad things are happening to good people. And even typing that feels like dejavu because general suckage has happened so frequently this year. Awesome people have gone through complete garbage. It's never-ending. And ending this year might not actually improve peoples situations, but I'm going to pretend that it will.

I utterly despise when people I care about are hurting, no matter the degree. So many people have passed away in the last few months, gotten sick, gotten injured, gotten hurt, physically and emotionally. I just want to punch 2010 in the junk for being so lousy at times! Not that there haven't been rad moments...I just need to put the rotten ones in their place.

Someone in my extended family needs good vibes sent their way. Stat.

We could use some good vibes ourselves. Especially me. Especially Friday.

I didn't get any painting done this weekend but I DID buy an office chair and a composition notebook so I'm getting organized before I jump in. We have another wide open weekend coming up with the only thing on the agenda being Halloween costume prep. That's going to be arts-n-crafty on its own! So stay tuned to CANNIBALICIOUS! Good things are coming.

And we need some good things. Am I right?

You can speak your mind but not on my time.

As I quickly blathered earlier this week, I am diving head first...and awkwardly, no doubt, because I cannot dive...back into painting. Not just PAINTING. I'm throwing myself back into art and I have every intention of trying some new things. I have a RAD art room at Castle Grayskull and I need to take advantage of it. And I plan to go ballllllls out this weekend.

So OF COURSE, I started a blog dedicated specifically to my art. Every finished piece that will be for sale will end up there. And there will be some other fun schtuff related to my hobby on the page. Besides my husband and my pals, art is my favorite thing on the planet! I may not be talented, I may not even be creative, but it makes me HAP-PY.

Become a follower for updates. You don't need to belong to Blogger to do so.

CANNIBALICIOUS!

But regarding THIS blog, someone found it by searching "morning breath fetish". Yelp. What have I been talking about for the past 5 years???

And regarding my life, I've been sick for a week now. It's just a sniffling, sneezing, coughing cold but it's annoying. It didn't hold me back from going to see Bouncing Souls open for Bad Religion. Bouncing Souls were relatively boring. Good but dull. Then Bad Religion blew my miiiiind! It was everything I hoped it would be. Until some broad with a mohawk started shit with me...after I casually called her the C word, which is reserved for total trash bags.

By the end of the verbal spar, she was apologizing and telling me I was right. Fucking fool.

I'm beginning to think I'm too old for this shit, especially when it gets you invited to the back for a fist fight, but that's OK. Because what's fun about being stuffed into a small space like sardines and dealing with drunk bums and trash who think they own the world? The next day, we spent time with the Shoelanes, talking, drinking, laughing and THAT was where I was comfortable. That was a good time for me...for us. But Bad Religion WAS amazing. Next time, I need to hang in the back rather than getting in the thick of it.

The thickness is where fisticuffs happen.

So tonight is Deadbolt...which is a totally different situation. Different people, different crowd. I want to go and support my twin, Alex, since COTPF is opening. And I know Weasel really wants to give Deadbolt a second chance as far as their live show goes. But my nose is currently a faucet. I need to try and get some shut-eye and she if I can self-repair. Though a night at home sounds pretty rad...

I'll tear down the buildings just to pass through the door.

This is my 666th post.

Subject: Bad Religion!

The Bad Religion / Bouncing Souls show is tonight at the House of Blues. I've been sick as a dog (Do dogs frequently get ill? Where did this expression come from??) since Friday but going to tough it out. I'm certainly not flushing $50 down the drain. And Bad Religion makes my bleeding, black heart-go-throb! So many memories of my youth. "Recipe For Hate" was the album that probably started to mold me into who I am a little. Oh so philosophical!

For the record, I hope they play: Do What You Want, Skyscraper (actually, anything off Recipe For Hate), Don't Sell Me Short, The Handshake, Bad Religion, Frogger...and I hope they have really great t-shirts for sale. And I hope the place isn't jam-packed full of hooch girls and chach guys for as far as the eye can see.

Regardless, I'll be happy just to see them for the first time in 10 years.

On the flipside, I'm pumped to See Bouncing Souls as I've loved them for years and I hope they play: K8 is Great, Eastside Mags, Here We Go, Lamar Vanoy, Kid, Born To Lose...and I hope they cover Hybrid Moments again.

I hope they DON'T play Hopeless Romantic or cover Lean On Sheena.

So that's pretty much all I've got to say about that. I'm psyched about the show even if it's be the second time in a ROW that I was the walking dead when going to see Bouncing Souls. And the weekend was solid even if buckets of sticky green nastiness was pouring out of my head. I slept a lot. Todd and my dad built a "rumpus room" for the pups in the yard. We went to my sister's and cooked boatloads of bacon in honor of my grandma. Like I said, solid.

And we finally decided on costumes for the Hissem Halloween wedding! Bought some of the supplies already and have the rest in motion. And we can also rock these costumes at an upcoming Halloween party AND at my mom's for the actually holiday!  Makes all the effort worth it. And Jen May is going to help out with part of it so you KNOW it's going to be rad. Because she's rad and radness just radiates from her.

SO PUMPED! About EVERYTHING.

Especially about my reign as a red head being over. Dark hair, purrrr!

See my body, it's nothing to get hung about.
I'm nobody except genetic runaround.
Spiritual era's gone, it ain't comin' back.
BAD RELIGION, a copout, that is all that's left!

You know the shape my breath will take before I let it out.

"In Germany, you say once your reputation is ruined, you can live, like, quite freely" - wise words of wisdom from a German guy drinking in a Berlin Biergarten. Another thing I'll be adding to my list of words to live by. Viva Deutschland!!!

Happy 70th Birthday, John Lennon. You were my least favorite Beatle.

It's a beautiful day outside. Probably one of the last we'll have this year. I guess this is Indian Summer. I'm trying to enjoy it all despite having a gnarly and impairing cold. One minute, I feel like I have to bury myself in bed and the next I feel fairly OK. Dealing with the ebb and flow. And the drainage.

The pups, who are shockingly calm today, and I are lounging while my husband and my dad are building a "rumpus room" outside. That's just a fancy way of saying they're fencing in a section of the yard just for the dogs so they have room to cruise and spend their energy. While they're waiting for construction to be done (it just started), we're watching episodes of No Reservations. They don't seem to get as annoyed by Anthony Bourdain as Todd does.

I'm researching schools in Ohio with culinary programs. Can I handle butchery? I'd like to think I could. Or I could pretend.

Anyway, it's a damn near perfect day. I'm going to get some vitamin D and crunch the leaves under my feet before I start making an Italian mini-feast for the fellas. Tonight, we'll be holed up at home, which is where I love to be. Husband, dogs, good food, a good blanket and some movies. That's all I need. That's what I love.

And speaking of what I love...

I am so sorry about your mom, Carol. I love you more than you know.

Will you take the pain I will give to you again and again, and will you return it?

I got some weird and confusing news yesterday evening. I don't really know what to think about it yet. I need more information and I need things to be made just a little bit clearer. I woke up in such a good mood Monday morning, had such high hopes for the week. Now I'm just in limbo and that's not at all where I want to be.

Again, I'm glad I have people to blather at. You chicks are boss.

Despite my off-balance state of being, I had a nice evening at Castle Grayskull with Phoebe and Todd. It was Bizzle's first visit there and she brought me some awesome artwork and leftover "diamonds" from our wedding. We shot the breeze about a plethora of things and it was good and comforting to see her face. I needed some of that yesterday. She even toughed out an episode of Adventure Time. That's solid, right there.

Then I had to hit the sheets early because I'm back to working ten hour days. Don't get me wrong, I l-l-l-l-loved having Fridays off. Todd and I can reinstate Thursday date night, which I also loved. And the traffic at 5:30am is cake, virtually non-existent. But ten hour days and getting up so early can be rough on someone who is chronically tired. I'm not bitching. Not a lot, anyway.

Oh!  Ben leaves for like 7 months of Asian adventures tomorrow. I want to wish him nothing but safe travels and rockin' good times. But please don't get arrested. I've seen far too many movies involving foreign prisons and punishment. I don't think I'd get away with smuggling you contraband items in a bra, Drink. But have fun and kiss that beautiful wife of yours for me. Make it a public and inappropriate kiss!  And tell her a care package will be on it's way sooooooon!!!

Back to wondering and worrying.