Can't you hear the horses? Cause here they come!

I miss my dreamless sleep. I want it back.

On a very random note, I believe that Rob and Big asshole Rob Whats-His-Face has replaced Bam Margera as "Biggest Tool In the Universe". I wish both of those losers would get in a car together and drive off a cliff. And I hope that car is a "lambo" because I both hate the car and the nickname. God, I could happily punch either of those morons in the brain and accept the consequences. While we're at it, I despise the song "Soul Sister" but it has no brain to punch.

Moving on...

Sad announcement. We are not going to Heavy Rebel this year. After Disney World, property taxes, and a trip to the Emergency Room including stitches and X-Rays, it's just not in the cards, or checkbooks, for us. I'm bummed because I love me a roadtrip and hate letting people down (mainly my travel companions and friends performing at the weekender) but over all, I'm OK. Something about it just wasn't shaking me at my foundation. Some day I'll be reunited with you, Psychocharger. Some day.

Because we don't want to miss out on our holiday bonding time, Todd, Ben and I are going to get tattoos of our favorite founding fathers (I scored John Hancock), free a bald eagle and get uber patriotic. There was some discussion about the eagle-freeing being done commando-style: them without underwear and me in ONLY underwear a la a Wonder Woman costume. This probably translates to cocktailing and going to see fireworks. I'm all over that.

Besides the 4th of July shenanigans we have planned, the Rock-n-Bowl is coming up, followed by Lady Gaga. Any additional free time (and money) is going to be spent getting our digs into selling condition. The stairs need to be finished, nail holes need to be patched, have to paint the porch, bring the yard back to life, and weed out a punch of this stuff we have and don't need. I love anything with a skull on it but do we need EVERYTHING will a skull on it? No. We don't. We're drowning in stuff. I don't want to move boxes of useless nonsense to a new house. Regular nonsesne? YES! Useless? NO!

I'm rambling and I think it's to keep me from saying what I REALLY want to say. Because saying the things I REALLY want to say could make some serious waves.  And I know it's not just me. I know you'd all like to have a movie-moment where you just EXPLODE on everyone around you, telling them exactly what you think and having them still love you afterwards (but I don't want the people I need to explode on to love me). I don't think it works that way. So I'll just ramble and keep it all bottled up.

Rambling over. For now.

The dog days are over.
The dog days are done.
The horses are coming so you better run.

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father.
Run for your children and your sisters and brothers.
Leave all your love and your loving behind.
You can’t carry it with you if you want to survive.

That was where we used to sleep.

We are doing everything we can to grow old here.

It's perfect for us to expand our family in a great neighborhood while still being totally awesome. Sure, it doesn't have a Cleveland address but that's why you have cars people! Everything is neutral and waiting for us to put our stamp on it. Did I mention it has a pool AND an outdoor tiki bar?? And it backs right up to a 65 acre park where you can fish, bike, hike, picnic, etc.  But those are just perks. It seems like this house is calling to us. I showed the pic to Todd on a whim, thinking it was so bizarre...and now we're both hooked. I don't know what will come of this but I DO know that it's time to move. We need more space, plain and simple.

But if you know anyone looking for a GREAT starter home...this one has been good to me for 6 years.  And I would stay here for the rest of my days but it just isn't big enough for 2 adults who want to get preggo, a growing boy, 2 big puppies, and an old, cranky cat. The neighborhood is solid (descent access to 71, 90, and 480) and the neighbors are a dream...they ALL keep to themselves. I wish I could lift the Barbie Dream House (as I'm affectionately calling it) out of Brunswick and put it on our lot because I sure will miss PJ McIntyre's. But that's why WE have cars. We may just be dreaming.

I guess we'll see what happens.

EDIT #1: I am now calling the house "Castle Grayskull".

EDIT #2: We are going to see it on Wednesday!

Grab a fork and make your first attack!

Tuesday was horrific. Here's the gorey story!

I had made some dinner which disaggreed with me and per usual, I tossed my cookies. I was laying on the bed when I may or may not have noticed that I might have thrown up on my own shirt. Awesome! So on my way to the dresser for a clean shirt, I nailed my foot into the base of my recumbent bike. It's happened several times before. If you know anything about me, you know I'm clumsy and awkward. So I was motherfucking this and that as I hopped around the room with my foot in my hands.

And my hands were covered in blood.

And there were blood puddles on the floor.

I sat down thinking maybe my toe nail ripped off or something. No such luck. When I turned my foot over I discovered that my baby toe had actually ripped away from my foot. I keep saying it "popped at the seam". When I realized what I was looking at through all the blood, I froze. I was sick. I didn't know something so small could bleed so much. And the blood was so dark, I couldn't see how far around the wound went. So I tied a bandana around my paw and made a frantic call to Todd, who was at the kid's baseball game.

I couldn't wait around for Todd to figure things out so I drove myself to the Emergency Room. Luckily, blood gets you noticed and I was up in a room in no time flat. Todd got there right as the doctor came in to sneak a peak. He came back with a suture kit and made me lay on my belly and not look back. Again, if you know me, I have horrible hospital anxiety so I was livid. I haven't had stiches since I was 3 and I don't remember those. The novacaine or lidocaine or whatever it was?? MORTIFYING!

So I was stitched up and sent to X-Ray. Nothing is broken or dislocated, besides my spirit. They banadaged me up, gave me some Tylenol, a prescription for Vicodin which is wrecking me from the inside out, and sent me on my way. Todd was nice enough to fill my meds even though it was past his bed time. I miss 2 days of work because I couldn't put any weight on it. Lots of TV, lots of napping, and lots of stomachaches and headaches from the painkillers. I thought the worst was over.

Today I head back to work!

I'm showering (for the first time since before the injury) and trying to get the wound nice and clean. Everyone at the hospital warned me that feet are VERY dirty and therefore prone to infection. If I get an infection, it'll never heal. That's the card I've been dealt. So I'm cleaning it off and feel a POP! Oh no! Is it a popped stitch??  Why is my foot bleeding again?

Because they never finished STITCHING!!

The wound went from the back up between the toes. The guy missed another gaping hole! I guess it popped at 2 seams. I didn't notice because I couldn't move it after my initial discovery. The doc didn't see it because he didn't bother to look BETWEEN the toes. There was a thread of skin in between and that's where he sticthed up to. Morons. At this point, it looks as if the open wound was starting to heal on it's own. Let's hope it continues on that path because I will NOT get more stitches. I was a bad patient.

So there you have it. I still have 10 toes.

Now I have to deal with flip-flop separation anxiety.

Pics later on Stalking My Life!

This may be the time for the perfect crime.

There's a Fergie song on the radio. Back to reality.

Yesterday was Father's Day but I ended up getting a present, and a rad one to boot! Todd called me into the backyard where he had created a little garden area for me to plant! I've been talking about wanting to plant veggies for awhile and now I can. I'm shooting for lettuce, tomatos, peppers, cucumbers, herbs, and if it's affordable, some raspberry bushes. I'm planning on gardening and grilling being my new stress-reducers. I'm going to get a big hat and go nuts! Being loved is cool.

If I get a salad out of it, I'll consider it a success.

Today is the 1st day of summer. Summer is looking good. Lots of good times with good friends, and even an end-of-summer wedding that I'm THRILLED to be invited to.  And along with my garden and basement chill zone/art studio projects, I'm going to dive head first into re-doing Aiden's room. Fresh new digs to start the 4th grade! I'm trying to get creative and motivated and stay that way through the summer. Stress is for the birds and I HATE birds! I need to make the most out of my life.

You say you've got some very excellent news.

I have to go back to reality tomorrow and I'm dreading it. I don't hate my job but I hate reality. I've gotten a lot of things together in the past few months. I'm a full-fledged, functioning adult! I actually feel secure about the future and not like the low-life I was back in my Kent State days. But everyone under burning hot SUN knows stress and I are totally enemies. And that's what life breeds...stress. Ugh. I'm still going to try and face post-vacation life head on and with my chin held high!

But please believe me...I know I have things a LOT better than some. But I've put in 31 years on this planet...I've earned the right to bitch a smidge. It's like my social security benefits. But I'm claiming them before they run out and become useless.

For now, it's Father's Day. My father is on a plane flying home from a 10 day vacation with my mom that included them sleeping in a teepee! Who would've thunk it? So I'll be grilling a totally manly dinner for my husband to celebrate they holiday (we're 0 for 4 by the way and I got REALLY emotional this time). He opened his present this morning (Family Guy volume 8 because I couldn't find a Veluxx blanket) and is currently at the batting cages for some father & son time. I hope by next year he's a father to our own little monster. I hate faith.

I've given Todd a card every Saturday from the very first week of our adventure together. Today he got his 116th card. I've been re-reading them and reliving our relationship and it's been kind of incredible. I'm glad I did this. Not just the cards...all of it.

Next up? HEAVY REBEL!

All I ever wanted!

GOOD MORNING CLEVELAND!

Yesterday I woke up in Florida. Today I woke up in MY bed with MY pillow in MY city. Holy COW, am I glad to be home. Disney World was everything I could have hoped for and more but it is THEE most exhausting vacation (which I expected). All my planning paid off in big ways and I think the kid had an amazing birthday. I'll tell you what...you want to be treated like a KING? Spend your birthday at Disney World. That kid was spoiled ROTTEN and there are 462 pictures to prove it! They really know how to do it up and every "cast member" there is flat out NICE. Love it.

And now it's back to reality!

WELL...not QUITE!

We're in vacation phase 2! Vacation phase 2 is recovery from Disney World. It's just the two of us so there will be a lot of napping, cocktailing, couch time, and pals. As little walking as possible would be awesome because our feet are hating us! That place can be rough on a body (speaking of...the French girls making crepes loved my body...they told me so). So this half about vacation is about relaxing and soaking up the down time. On the agenda: sleeping in, hanging out, Melt, PJs (miss that place), karaoke, maybe a show or two, good times. I'm looking forward to phase 2 and much as I did to phase 1.

Our 1st family vacation was a success. I'm calling it.

And I'm so greatful...to be nowhere.

Now that I'm done tossing my cookies...

Let's back track to the weekend, shall we?

I felt like I was running on go at warp speed all weekend! Usually I feel like my weekends are busy but my dance card was FULL this time around. Friday I had the day off work, which was a pleasant surprise. Tessa was "sick" so she accompanied me all over creation. We hit up Target, Best Buy, and Wal-Mart trying to score some rad baby gifts for D.A.B. and April's baby shower. Then we lunched and gabbed about boys and why they're bananas. I headed home and spent the rest of night couch cocktailing with Todd and SVU. Yeah, I'm addicted.

Woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Saturday to sew patches and pin buttons onto Baby Bell's first denim jacket (she also scored some Devil Ducks, 2 onesies with shhhhhharks, diapers, and a silver pig-shaped piggy bank). We headed over to the couple's shower and had a blast...and not just because they had spiked punch! April couldn't be cuter. I can't wait to see this baby (whose name keeps changing). Come on August 20th! Afterwards, a smaller group of shower guests headed to the Lincoln Park Tavern to rock out to total jams, have some drinks and some laughs. I never know how much I've missed my friends until I'm with them. I'm damn lucky to have the Ol' Kentucky Sharks.

And Saturday night...Human Centipede. Still digesting it.

Sunday morning was a repeat of Saturday except this time, I was making veggie pizzas for a graduation party. My cousin Victoria is going to Fordham in the fall. I wish I had gone to college out of state but I had plenty of adventures where I was. Moving on...we went to the grad party, hung with my family, and wrapped up the day at home, grilling steaks and watching "Alice In Wonderland". I was exhasuted and a few pounds lighter when the busy weekend came to a close. I marked it a success.

And now we're 46 hours from take off.

You probably would've wanted this too!

Uuuuugggggggggh!

Either I'm having the EARLIEST symptoms of pregnancy known to man, I've got some sort of stomach thing, or I've been poisoned by the Campbell's soup company. Shortly after lunch, everything that went in made a reappearance and it was UNSTOPPABLE! I hate tossing my cookies as it makes me feel very introverted. I feel so sad afterwards which is totally bananas. So whatever the reason...bun in the oven, 24 hour bug that's going around, or Death-By-Chicken & Stars...it BETTER clea up before Thursday. I've never thrown up on an airplane and I don't want to start en route to the happiest place on Earth.

Can I leave a message on your machine?

I killed a spider the size of my eyeball (it was so graphically large that I could see it WITHOUT my glasses on) this morning with a can of scrubbing bubbles and one of the runt's new shoes. Immediately after I committed this murder, I doubled over in pain and couldn't get off the bathroom floor. The pain has subsided slightly, but I'm sore and out of sorts. Somewhere out there, Mama Spider has a voo-doo doll in my likeness.

1 week until our vacation. 1 week that will no doubt fly by since I have a surprise day off work tomorrow with a totally free evening, a rad baby shower on Saturday will another free evening, a grad party and the race on Sunday, and a 3 day work week that will also include cleaning for the dog sitter. And let's not forget lots of hanky panky! I hope you just enjoyed that sneak peak into my agenda!

I told Tessa yesterday that when we're finally in Florida, in our room, getting ready to hit the parks...I will probably cry. I've been busting my can to plan this and make sure everything is perfect for the runt's first vacation...for our first family vacation...and I've been SO STRESSED OUT with life in general...I think it will all just come out...of my eye sockets. I just used a lot of ellipses. Sorry punctuation freaks.

Tomorrow I can sing "Six Days" by Dead Milkmen ALL DAY.

"Alice In Wonderland" arrives today. Gonna get my mind blown again.

Other than that, I'm just taking life day-by-day and trying to keep any of my vital organs from exploding. After vacation, there is still a great summer to be had with lots of fun-n-festive events. Heavy Rebel, 2nd Annual Roll-n-Bowl, Lady Gaga, the Road Rash Bash, April's baby making her debut...not to mention swimming, cook outs, bike rides, county fairs, the dog park, and all that good summery stuff. I want to have an unbelieveably fun and stress-free summer. Is that too much to ask?

And for those who lurve me/us, attempt #4 is in progress. Is that gross? Too much information? Either way, please cross whatever you can cross and send good vibes our way. But try NOT to picture us mid-attempt. Otherwise you may never look at us the same!

Summer sun. Something's begun.

I have been awesome and I have been awful.

Even at my most rotten, I had friends, I was loved, and I lived.

I love my life.

I will love it even more in 9 days when we're running amuck in Florida. Then after a temporary stop back in reality, we'll be hitting the dusty trail again with Hot Trash, Wolfboy Slim, and Uncle Benjamima to no doubt cause a ruckus at Heavy Rebel.

This summer has nothing but potential. I'm making the most of it.